Within a Sense of Melancholy
by button.by.button
Summary: Sophie is a new recruit learning under Kanon Maldini, who has overlooked her training for the past week. For a time, she has noticed a book in the far corners of Prince Schneizel's airship. She doesn't understand why and only Kanon has the answer to it.


**Disclaimer :** I do not own Code Geass, nor the characters. All credit goes to Goro Taniguchi and Ichiro Okouchi

Within a Sense of Melancholy

In one of the swaying cabinets of Prince Schneizel's private airships stood a young woman. She was quite pretty and slight of frame, with her long auburn hair twisted into a ponytail and a pair of silver irises that gleamed whenever they caught the rays of the sun. Her skin was pale, almost luminescent in the bright light, and was a stark contradiction to her apparel. Long, graceful arms were enveloped in the dark castings of mahogany rich sleeves, flowing into a wisp of silk that frilled around her slender wrists. Down the middle and just below her breasts ran a line of snowy white buttons; the neckline scooped low and would have left little to the imagination, but due to her conservative nature, she refrained from indecent exposure and had asked for coverage while her uniform had been prepared. In response she had been given a white collared shirt, which was now hidden beneath her blazer jacket. Matching the ivory trim of her sleeves a mid-thigh, pressed skirt swayed gently about her figure, leaving her legs bare until they reached her ankles where a pair of chocolate toned boots cupped her feet. There was an inch and a half heel to them, but considering her short height of 5'3, the boost did not help the situation she was in right now.

Found beneath a bookcase made of the finest cherry wood, Sophie hopped uselessly beneath it, hand stretched outward in longing towards the towering shelves. Barely out of reach was a book, resting quietly above her dwindling fingers that wiggled earnestly below. She'd been at her fruitless attempt for ten minutes and the blood had long left her arm. A tingling sensation was running from the tips of her fingers down to her shoulder and she could feel her muscles tightening from absence of blood flow. Her calves were a tad sore, too; over-excessive straining had almost given her a cramp in one. Only in pulling back quickly and resting had saved her legs from giving out beneath her. Then she'd jumped up once more and pursued after the book.

And now here she was.

_'Just a little further...!'_ she thought, straining as far as her little body would allow. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until a frustrated gasp escaped from her as she felt the brush of leather against her nails, fingertips grazing ever gently along the bottom of the binding. That set her brows to furrow. Almost had it!

Frustrated by her situation Sophie closed her eyes, unable to bear how close she was. Then she began to reach up…up…

"Here," a soft voice called. "Let me get that for you." It startled her, and instinctively Sophie jumped forward. She was saved from jumping head first into the shelves in front of her by a pair of hands that suddenly grabbed her shoulders, the gentle but restraining grasp restraining her feet securely to the floor.

There was a sound, something along a soft chuckle of amusement as a voice apologized gently. "I'm sorry for frightening you." The pressure of fingers slipped away. "I never meant to surprise you. Won't you face me?" When she hesitated to comply, her eyes still shut, Sophie felt herself involuntarily turned about, heels clicking against the metal floors.

"If you will be patient, I can retrieve what you are searching for." Sophie paused, uncertain, then nodded, and as a moment of silence fell upon the two, she felt the person step toward the book shelf behind her. His breathing was clear and warm against her though she estimated him to be four or five inches taller than herself, and as he neared she could almost feel him touch the shelves to steady himself. But he was careful not to touch her.

"There," it sighed.

A weight dropped gently into her hands and when she opened her eyes they lay upon the rich, leather book that she had been fretting for the past ten minutes to reach. The bright sun reflected the royal purple and silver stitching off the spine of the material as she removed her gaze, readying for thanks. For some inexplicable reason that she didn't have an answer to she found it important to retrieve the book.

She lifted her eyes from the novel, intending to thank the act of kindness, but her throat tightened the instant she caught sight of the person standing before her. Kanon Maldini, personal advisor to Prince Schneizel – and her current tutor.

Pieces of cotton seemed to sprout on the insides of her cheeks, making speech impoosible, and suddenly overcome with shyness, Sophie clasped the book closer to her chest and turned her eyes aside. She had always liked Kanon. He seemed as the understanding person, a kind and gentle being who listened to her troubles whenever they occurred. It had only been a week since she had enrolled to train under Kanon, but the short amount of time had quickened Sophie's realization of her love for him. The feeling was almost nostalgic.

He grinned pleasantly at her bashfulness, and she wondered why such a secretive glint hinted at his teal colored orbs. It was carefully closed over, secretive, as if he were remembering a warm memory. When he noticed the curiosity forming on her expression the touch of his smile grew very soft, very considerate, causing her to blush, and the question about the mysterious glimmer vanished instantly from mind. Like a brush of wind it simply disappeared.

"T-Thank you," she managed to stammer, then began to shift from foot to foot, anxious. Beneath his gaze and with him very close – close to where if she reached out her fingers would graze against his chest – Sophie felt something warm crawl to her cheeks. She was blushing. And it didn't help when she heard a light chuckle resonate around the room, her timidity seeming to intrigue Kanon. His laughter caused her heart to flutter in uneven beats, the pulse quickening. It felt as if someone was tapping her heart incessantly.

A strand of dark copper-red hair slipped from the thick ponytail hanging from her left shoulder, and nervously she wrapped it about one ear but it swung back, disobeying the action.

Kanon noticed the trouble she was having and once again he smiled. To her surprise - and embarrassment - he reached forward with long, gloved fingers and coiled it next to her cheek, where it stayed obediently.

He pulled away but just enough so that his fingertips were left to trail delicately down the line of her cheek. "You're so shy," he mused softly, another smile playing around his lips, and he moved his hand down to her wrist, gripping it gently within his hand. "But I find that quality adorable. Ones that are sincere and honest" - Kanon leaned forward, ignoring the sudden tug she gave, and brushed his lips along her knuckles. - "like you."

Sophie tried to pull back (did the air ship always sway like that?) from his grasp, yet still he continued to hold on. "I see you've done your share of work for the time being. For now, would you like to share some tea with me?"

As Kanon led the way toward the resting quarters, Sophie found herself fighting to keep her breathing down. It practically took all effort not to have it rasping forth and making her sound like someone dying. Her fingers tightened about the book, and for a moment she questioned herself once more why she had carried it with her.

What great significance did this simple book hold?

She shook her head, causing wisps of hair to fly across her face. No matter how hard she concentrated she couldn't find even the most remote idea that could give her such matters to carry a useless material, which she wasn't even involved in : _"Volume II: Systems of the Knightmare"_

Sophie followed Kanon about a long bend and through thick metallic doors that slid forward at the swift movement of his fingers flying across the number pad. Her brows narrowed, stroking her fingers along the pages. She did not even work with Knightmares. For the past week she had been learning about the controls for being a bridge operator on deck, mainly focusing on radar control and communication skills.

So engrossed in thought Sophie missed the peculiar glance Kanon threw to his student, his eyes shifting from her to the book she held closely. He hadn't missed the troubled look on her face. Casually, without looking behind him, Kanon reached backwards and touched her brow lightly.

"Don't frown so much," he said and turned his face to profile view. Although he wasn't looking at her directly she knew, somehow, he was keeping track of her every move. "It was never good-"

Kanon's sentence immediately cut short, his lips pulling down as if he'd tasted something bitter. Sophie opened her mouth to question his sudden halt, but his features rearranged themselves too quickly for her, his expression taking on that of a more professional look. She had to peer around his shoulder to understand why, her concern put on hold, and saw Prince Schneizel standing in front of them.

Sophie retreated slightly behind her proctor's shoulders, her head bowing slightly in an act of respect. At the same time, Kanon's form abruptly straightened and he placed a clenched fist to his breast as the fair haired man stepped toward them. "Prince Schneizel," he said, inclining his head like Sophie, and the young lord returned the gesture.

"Kanon," he greeted, his tone proper. Then Schneizel turned to Sophie and his face softened. "Sophie."

Although she murmured almost inaudibly under her breath in greeting he nodded his approval, acknowledging her welcoming. Like Kanon, his pale lilac eyes drifted to the novel wrapped within her arms; he exchanged glances with his cohort, but said nothing as a sharp edge struck Kanon's eyes.

Schneizel understood.

Sophie missed the exchange between the two as she was suddenly overcome by a yawn. Politely she raised a hand to cover her mouth, but as she did so a flash of unexpected pain lanced through her head. It was very, very brief, like a pinch, and then just as quickly as it had appeared, the pain ebbed to a dull nothingness, fading to nothingness. That was new; she had never felt that before. It left her mildly concerned as she reached up to rub the point on her scalp where the pain had appeared.

Her worry quickly evaporated as Kanon's voice touched her ears. It held a soothing touch and impulsively she leaned into his shoulder, her top lids starting to close. Then her eyes opened swiftly, the lashes fluttering with disorder. Wait. When had she moved this close to him? "I was just going to have a cup of tea with Sophie, if you don't mind," she heard Kanon say in a pleasant tone and she felt his regular smile appear on his face.

Sophie looked around, still dazed by the actions that she did not remember doing, and balked. How were they already in the tea room? Had the pain left her brain that muddled? She tried to move away but Kanon's arm about her waist restrained her from doing so. And how long had his grip been about her!

Distantly, she could hear Kanon and Schneizel exchange brief words of parting, but no matter how hard she concentrated on figuring out their conversation, Sophie's mind was glued to his grasp. She could feel the heat of his hand pressed against both the leather of his gloves and the material of her clothing radiating clear and warm against her side. The touch was intimate, warm.

But it was very close, and Sophie began to squirm nervously against him. That caught his attention.

His attention altered to Sophie, the expression in his eyes making him appear as if he was now just recognizing he held her so close as they widened with surprise, then Kanon released her in silence, carrying the quietness as his steps took him to a nearby counter. He grabbed a pair of cups within a beautifully shaped cabinet and two packets of her favorite tea - how did he know that? - and set them gently on the table, the glass against glass hardly making a sound. While Kanon swept back to the shelves, opening a drawer to retrieve some sugar and honey, he peered behind his shoulder, his gaze finding her as he asked, "What's the matter?"

Sophie didn't answer, only glancing around as she realized that Schneizel was already gone. They were alone.

Kanon placed both sweeteners on the table alongside the cups before walking in her direction, stopping a foot in front of Sophie. "It's not too hot in here, is it? Or do you have a fever?" Without waiting for an answer Kanon raised both hands, placed them on either side of her face, and leaned forward. The action caused Sophie to jump beneath his touch, and she was only jut able to stop the yelp of surprise as he pressed his forehead to hers. Only with the most strenuous of efforts was she able to remain calm beneath his hands, which were startlingly cool.

Kanon's breathing was quiet and even, balancing her quick sharp ones as he remained completely placate against her. "No," he whispered softly and his words drifted gently along her skin. "Doesn't feel like a fever..." For a moment he allowed himself to relax, as if remembering a fond memory. Then he pulled back.

Kanon retreated back toward the table, Sophie staring at him awe-struck as he waved a hand to her in a flourish, gesturing at the items he had prepared earlier. "Won't you join me?"

A gentle ringing echoed about the empty lounge room as Kanon traced the outer rim of his untouched tea that he held carefully in his lap with one gloved finger. He had lost all interest in indulging in the fragrant drink hours ago and as a result the tea had gone cold. He had been deeply fascinated within his own personal thoughts, throwing the room into a silence that had wound about them in the passing time of one another's company.

Likewise Sophie's tea had also been left to cool. Beneath the table were the remnants of a napkin which she had snatched earlier just as they had sat down. Wrung to countless shreds, her fingers played with the pieces she had salvaged. It was all she could do to keep her nerves down.

Her thoughts felt jumbled, confused, as if someone had taken them and thrown them across the floor, spilling it into a thousand pieces like a jigsaw puzzle. Alone with Kanon... it seemed to pull emotions she had never felt before. Again like the book, which now lay on the table beside her, the feeling was nostalgic. And at the same time, it held an inexplicable sadness to it… Sophie looked up and found Kanon watching her.

There was a thoughtful expression on his face as he set the cold porcelain cup onto the table. "Have you enjoyed your training?" Kanon realigned himself into a more comfortable position while asking the question, crossing his legs over one another and folding his hands against his lap. He waited patiently for her answer.

Sophie stared at him for a moment, then smiled softly to herself. "Of course," she replied, still keeping the tender expression as she looked up at him. "I have had so much fun, and made so many memories…" She turned away for a moment in pause, unsure of what to say next. Then...

"Kanon?" she whispered and realized that this was the first time she'd called him by his first name today. His eyes caught a hint of interest as he shifted in his seat to face her, his whole attention riveted on her. She hesitated at the sudden intensity the teal irises held for her, but then relaxed.

She placed her hands upon the table to reveal the mutilated and abused napkin. She hesitated, her hands shaking unsteadily, then, exhaling, she relinquished her hold, and instantly it felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders. "I'd like to thank you. For everything," she said, keeping her eyes fixated on the frosted patterns engraved along the glass table. If she looked at him now, then she might never be able to finish. "Everything you've taught me. I…I…wish that you could continue to teach me…b-because I'm afraid that I still might make mistakes and…"

Sophie couldn't finish as she felt fingers entwine themselves within her own and when she looked up Kanon was stretched out along the table, his face once more very close to hers.

It felt as if her heart was melting, each breath he sent causing her to tremble. "I was happy to teach you," he breathed and her eyes softened as the warm air caressed her cheek tenderly. "If I could do it all over again, I would."

There was something she had not seen before appear in his eyes, something new and raw. Sophie clasped her other hand to her breast as she felt the pain reflected in his gaze arise to her chest. For the strangest reason she suddenly felt like holding Kanon, to keep him safe and close within an embrace that soothed his unsaying fear. To say it was okay. To say it was alright.

The feeling was very tender and at the same time, heartbreaking. She felt like crying.

Sophie lifted her hands to cup his face within her fingers…to pull him forward and tell him how much she loved him…

…_as she wondered why the sudden emotion overwhelmed her…_

…but as she leaned forward to press her lips against his, Kanon pulled away. Instead she felt the press of lips against her forehead. It was delicate, comforting.

Something inside Sophie stirred the moment his lips lifted away, as if someone had opened a piece of herself and exposed her naked and vulnerable to a sensation that embraced her closely. She blinked back tears, suddenly overwhelmed by pain and regret that appeared to swallow her completely. She opened her mouth to speak, Kanon's face blurring into whirled features from the tears that threatened to spill, but she chocked as another flash of pain pierced through her head, and this time it was _excruciating_. It felt as if someone had raised a nail to her temple and begun to hammer relentlessly, sending wave after wave of searing pain. Flaring…stabbing…fire driving through her one stroke at a time. Her head felt as if it would explode at any moment.

Sophie collapsed against the table, moaning.

There was a pause as Kanon stared at her, then he finally moved. He got up slowly, sadly, from his seat and crossed the table to her side. He stepped to the aside nimbly as her arm took a sudden vicious swipe outward, sending her cup flying through the air and into a nearby wall where it shattered into countless shards.

"Come, Sophie." He murmured gently in her ear, bending beside her and stroking her hair with his fingertips. "Come." But when she didn't move - couldn't move - he swooped her effortlessly in his arms and hustled toward the doors. Pausing only to punch in the correct numbers for maintenance and instructions for clean up, Kanon swept out the doors with his unconscious apprentice.

Silent and standing unobtrusively on the glass table the book remained where it had been left behind.

There was a soft knock at Kanon's in-flight dorms later that night. Kanon raised his face from the hand that had been kneading the bridge of nose for the past hour - he was exhausted. But as Schneizel arrived through the doors he made a halfhearted attempt to appear awake as he stood from his seat.

To Kanon's relief the Prince motioned for him to remain where he was and he took the offer gratefully, plunging back into the chair.

"How is she?" the Prince asked softly in the darkened room. Kanon, who was a being that enjoyed the scenery of the sky, dark or light, had his curtains firmly drawn over the windows, deepening the atmosphere's moroseness.

Schneizel watched his main adviser run a tired hand over his face and through light locks. "She fell asleep almost instantly," he replied, fatigued. "But it seems to be occurring more and more, as if-"

"You don't have to go through this, Kanon. I can have someone else take your spot easily. Why suffer?"

Kanon's attentiveness sparked violently as his eyes shot toward Schneizel. "No," he said firmly and with determination. "No, I won't. I can't. If anything were to happen to her I want to be the last person she sees. I refuse for it to be anyone else."

He ignored Schneizel as the Prince bent beside him, gathering his robes about his tall frame to prevent any unnecessary wrinkles. Gently, softly, Schneizel's voice reached him. "What took place two years ago was a tragic mistake. It wasn't your fault. It was an accident, Kanon. Don't blame yourself."

"But…" Kanon's eyes narrowed, finding anger an emotion that was difficult to cope with. "If I just hadn't…"

_Sophie's eyes widened in awe as the doors slid forward, revealing the upper chambers of the deck. "Oh…!" She half hopped, half skipped inside the vast room, prancing to the buttons here, frolicking to the large open windows there, touching…touching…touching…and letting her curiosity get the best of her. _

_Ever since she had been little Sophie had always wanted to work in a ship like this. Exactly like this one, one where she could spend time with someone important._

_She whirled around to face the young man who was watching her with pleased interest. He held out a hand towards her and obediently she rushed forward, giggling as he enfolded her in his arms._

"_I can't believe you work here!" she exclaimed her eyes shining with admiration and wonder. "It's beautiful. You can see the sky and clouds…" She unwound herself from Kanon's grasp, gliding to a near window and gazing at the open scenery. "It must be so nice to work here…" She let herself become immersed in the countless clouds floating before her, although her heart was still beating rapidly in her chest. _

"_Sophie," Kanon said softly behind her, and immediately she turned to find him pointing at a bookcase to the right. "Will you fetch me that book? I've been having to do some studies on the latest Knightmare frames…Yes, that one right there. No, no. That one. Right there."_

_Sophie ran her fingers lightly along the binds of the large manuscripts, inquiring with her eyes if she were on the right one, before moving on when he motioned for her to continue farther down the line. "Yes, the one etched with silver and purple lining," he said when her hand had brushed one of the skinnier books. _

_Her interest piqued Sophie began to reach, Kanon smiling secretly behind her. _

_That's when everything went wrong._

Kanon's form grew oddly still as the memory resurfaced, his eyes dulling to an emotionless gray. "P – Prince…" he began softly, his voice no higher than a whisper, then stopped and lowered his face onto the desk, seeking comfort from the cool touch of metal.

Schneizel watched the light die from his companion's face completely. Unquestionably, Kanon blamed himself for the incident that had occurred two years ago, suffering beneath the conscious idea that he had been the one at fault for Sophie's condition. "Alright," he replied and turned. Before he left the young Prince dug into the folds of his robe and brought out the purple and silver lined book, laying it gently beside Kanon. "This is the first time you've forgotten to take this with you." Then he left.

Kanon crouched over his desk for a long time, staring with blank eyes at the pictures frames that faced him. Even in the dim lighting of his room Sophie's silver orbs penetrated the dark, sparkling with that special glow of theirs as her motionless figure smiled at him, gripping the arm of a young man. Himself.

He reached up thoughtlessly, tracing the contours of her face, following the strands of her hair, and then subsided. After a long motionless moment Kanon sat up and stared at the book Schneizel had set down. He flexed his fingers measurably, debating on whether to open it or not, and then grabbed the edge of the cover and pulled it open.

Snuggled comfortably in a dark leather bed that had been cut out to fit in the inside of the cover was a slim gold ring, a combination of emeralds and diamonds encrusting the loop. It shimmered prettily in the shallow light, waiting for a finger to take it and place it forever on.

Kanon's heart beat painfully in his chest as he gritted his teeth, the memories once more surfacing to mind.

_She almost had it, if she reached just a bit further it would be in her grasp. Sophie hopped to her tip toes and…_

_Flashing, blinding lights obscured her vision and Sophie suddenly reeled back from the bookcase as she was flung violently backwards, thrown hard against a back wall. She felt the wind knocked out from her lungs and her vision faded slightly as she tried hard to focus on her surroundings. Faintly she saw the dim figures of people rush inside the room, shouts emitting urgently about her._

_Sophie shook her head, clearing the fog, and looked up, suddenly frightened as she couldn't find Kanon, who had disappeared among the ruckus. "Kanon?" she whispered, groping about the floor mindlessly. The flickering of lights were so distracting. Sophie fought down panic._

_Then, just as quickly as it had started, the redness of the lights dimmed away, the regular fluorescent ones coming back on. Sophie steadied herself, trying hard to calm herself. A few feet away she spotted Kanon, and relief instantly flooded her being. He was fine, his face matching her own. Shaken, but well._

"_Kanon…" She began getting up from the floor to walk towards him, when his face took a sharp turn, horrification masking his expression. Sophie opened her mouth to ask what was wrong - briefly noting that everyone else in the room matched Kanon's terrified expression - but was unable to as something large and heavy slammed into the back of her head._

_The last thing she remembered as she collapsed was Kanon bending beside her, his screams following her into the darkness._

Kanon looked at the ring vacantly, his mind elsewhere. Then wordlessly he grabbed the book and exited from his room, the reminiscence of his memory fading into the room.

**2 week later**

Sophie entered the large deck of the main floor of the ship, scanning the area thoughtfully. Strangely she had felt the urge to visit this area of the ship while she had been engrossed in jotting notes from her previous session with Kanon. She always enjoyed this place; it gave her a sense of peace and serenity, a place where she could escape from the outside world.

She had been here to inspect the odd gadgets and buttons she had learned from the past week, but instead she found herself walking towards a bookshelf in a near corner. Intuitively she reached for the top shelf. "_This gesture is so familiar,_" she thought and smiled to herself as she strained to the high, skinny book dwindling just above her fingers.

"Almost got it…!" she whispered. Sophie closed her eyes, not noticing the young man step up behind her.

"Here. Let me help you," Sophie heard by her ear, and she twirled around to face Kanon, his hand outstretched as he held the book towards her. "This is something special to you?" Kanon asked as she took the book.

"Actually…" she started to say, looking at the novel with a raised eyebrow. Then without thought Sophie chuckled softly to herself and replied almost tenderly, "Yes, yes it is."

Her answer startled Kanon and for a split second he almost believed that her amnesia had finally disappeared. But then he shook his head, and with a melancholic smile he offered his hand once more to her, which she took gratefully. He had been doing this ever since the accident. 2 years.

"I, too, have something special to me." And his fingers gripped hers tightly.


End file.
